Proud to be an Introvert

A few months ago I had what I would call a negative experience, not really unusual but still not pleasant.  I was with a group of people sitting around a table with about 10 other people working on a community art project.  Normally I do not mind groups of people at all, but this case was an exception.  One person sitting at the end of the table was very talkative.  He was pretty much monopolizing the group conversation.  He was quite the entertainer telling jokes and making lots of crude comments.  One of the others tried to play along which seemed to only make him talk louder as if he was competing for the dominate position in the group.  At some point I just began to focus on the craft of the task at hand and zoned out into my own world.  I began to receive comments from some of the people at the table like, "why are you being so quite" or "Is there something wrong?"  I couldn't figure out what was happening.  No, I thought, I am just sitting here minding my own business, why do I need to participate?? The longer I sat there, I began to feel angrier and angrier.  I felt resentment that I was being criticized for doing what I felt like doing.  I felt oppressed and imprisoned by their behavior.  In short I wanted to run as far away from these people as possible.  I told a good friend about this and she recommended a book called The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking by Susan Cain.
I had numerous breakthroughs while reading this book.  When I take a Meyers-Briggs test, I typically show up as an ambivert. However is you ask me, I really identify with being an introvert.  What had not previously occurred to me was that I have been living in a world where this is not considered desirable and suddenly all the times I felt inferior, or like a misfit, or like something was wrong with me all came to the surface.  It all made complete sense to me now.  I am an introvert existing in a society that values extroverts and has a negative bias toward introverts.  As I read further I also discovered that this bias is not true.  Extroverts are not superior to Introverts, they are just different.  We respond to external stimuli in different ways.  Extroverts tend to convert stimuli into actions while Introverts tend to convert stimuli in to thoughts.  Again here are two opposites co-existing in the world like night and day.    While reading this book I was also watching a ten part documentary on the history of the United States and was on the part about the gold rush to the West.  I saw that the world needs both Extroverts and Introverts to create balance and harmony.  It took the adventurous extroverts to set out into the unknown and settle the west, but it also took the introverts to follow behind and clean up the mess.  Extroverts are great at focusing on a goal or result but tend not to consider the correlated impact of their actions so wiping out all the buffalo or potentially starving to death didn't prevent them from reaching the West.  Introverts are great planners and thinks who create infrastructure and well planned cities.  It all works hand in hand.  I certainly see the way I am naturally as valid now and that not conforming to a society that is biased in a particular direction is perfectly acceptable if that is following what feels natural to me.  I used to feel guilty when I didn't go out to clubs and such on weekends because that's what my friends were doing, so most of the time I ended up going because I felt like that was right and my feelings were wrong... NO MORE.  I shall live my life based on how I feel whether it is status quo or not. I can't completely explain how much this book changed the way I see myself, or measure its positive impact on my life, but I am extremely grateful to Susan Cain, a fellow Introvert, for writing it! and to my friend for referring it to me!


TED Talk - Susan Cain, The Power of Introverts

Susan Cain is a former corporate lawyer and negotiations consultant -- and a self-described introvert. At least one-third of the people we know are introverts, notes Cain in her new bookQuiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. Although our culture undervalues them dramatically, introverts have made some of the great contributions to society – from Chopin's nocturnes to the invention of the personal computer to Gandhi’s transformative leadership. Cain argues that we design our schools, workplaces, and religious institutions for extroverts, and that this bias creates a waste of talent, energy, and happiness. Based on intensive research in psychology and neurobiology and on prolific interviews, she also explainswhy introverts are capable of great love and great achievement, not in spite of their temperaments -- but because of them.